Love Emerging Through Pain
by Serena530
Summary: Kagome made a selfless wish on the jewel to finally get rid of it and hopes to start her life with Inuyasha. What she didn't expect was to find him intimately greeting his old lover who is very much alive. It's too much of a shock. Her heart and mind can no longer handle the pain. She plans to stop the pain one way or another. Story contains suicidal intent and repressed memories.
1. The Wish & Fallout

**Disclaimer****: I do not own Inuyasha or his characters, and have no right to it except as a long time fan.**

**Warning: Story contains suicidal tendencies. Read at your own risk.**

**Love Emerging Through Pain**

_Chapter One: The Wish & Fallout_

It was finally over. Four years of pain, sweat, blood, and heartache were finally over. Naraku was finally dead and although everyone had been injured in some way, everyone had survived and the Shikon Jewel was whole and pure once again. All that was left was to make a wish.

Kagome sighed. She wasn't exactly sure what to wish for. She had an idea of what she wanted to wish for but she still wasn't sure. All she knew was that it had to be a selfless wish in order to get rid of the thing for good. They had decided to wait a few days before she made the wish so that everyone could heal, and for her to say her goodbyes to everyone- including her family. Just in case.

She had no idea what would happen when she made the wish. Would the jewel pull her back into the well and leave her forever in her rightful time? Or would the jewel leave her stranded in the past with no way home? She didn't know, so she had said some thorough goodbyes to her mother, grandfather, and little brother after explaining and discussing her fears of what might happen, and then jumped into the well and proceeded to say discreet and in some cases not so discreet goodbyes.

She knew that Miroku and Kaede would understand so she hadn't been discreet with them about what could possibly happen. She had been careful with Sango leaving her goodbye somewhere between discreet and being as straight forward as she dared without seriously upsetting the girl she had come to think of as a sister. With Shippo she had simply told him how much she loved him and how proud she was of the way he was growing up.

Then there was Inuyasha. The last of their group. With him she hadn't been sure what to say. Things had been going great with them the past year. He had finally decided that he wanted to be with her. She had been ecstatic and glowing for days after he made himself clear to her. She also didn't want to leave him alone and heartbroken if the jewel sent her home. That's what made saying goodbye so hard. She had a secret hope that the well would stay open and allow her to come and go as she pleased so that she could stay with Inuyasha but still see her family.

Kagome had ended up explaining her fears and worries to him only leaving out her secret hope that the well would stay open for her to use as she wished. He had been understandably upset but he also understood that they were dealing with the unknown with wishing on the jewel and they had consoled each other and took comfort in the others presence.

But now the day had come and she now knew exactly what she was going to wish for. It was selfless and she hoped it would get the job done and rid the world of the jewel. She was alone, standing just at the edge of Inuyasha's forest. She didn't want anyone to be near her just incase she was pulled away into her own time. That would be too painful to see their sad faces. However, she was in view of Sango and Miroku, who were standing near the huts at the entrance to the village. Inuyasha had informed them that he would be standing at the God tree so he was near the other end of the forest closer to the well.

Kagome sighed a nervous shaky sigh and pulled the pink jewel from her pocket. She opened her fingers and gazed at the jewel, watching the swirling energy that was waiting for her wish. She took a deep breath and let it out slowly as she held the jewel closer to face level.

_I wish for Inuyasha to have his hearts desire._ she spoke softly in her mind with a smile and watched as the energy swirled faster and the jewel began to pulse a soft pinkish white light. Faster and faster the light pulsed until she finally had to close her eyes and turn her head away to avoid the bright light from piercing through her closed eyelids.

When she opened her eyes and looked to the jewel it was just in time to see the swirling energy fade and the jewel turn to a dull pink, making it appear to be a rather large pink pearl before it faded as if it had never been there. After a moment she pulled her eyes away from her empty hand to look around herself. She was still at the edge of the forest and Miroku and Sango were still at the entrance to the village. Her wish must have worked and it didn't take her away! She couldn't help but smile brightly. The only thing she needed to figure out now was if the well still worked or not, but right now that could wait. She needed to see Inuyasha first.

With a joyous laugh she waved happily to her friends, turned and began to run through the forest to the large tree she knew so well. Kagome was convinced that she was still in the feudal era because of the wish. She believed that she was Inuyasha's hearts desire. That he wanted to be with her just as much as she wanted to be with him and that he didn't want her to be whisked away back to her time. She was also convinced that he no longer wanted to be a full demon. Not only had he had a taste of what he would be like as a full demon during the ordeal with the demon masquerading as Princess Kaguya and other incidents, but she believed that she had shown him that he could be loved just the way he was. That she loved him for being half demon and half human and that he didn't need to change.

So since the jewels power was now gone and she was still there then that meant he was definitely getting her. They could finally be happy. He wouldn't have to worry about Naraku anymore or not being accepted and loved for who and what he was, and she wouldn't have to worry about being hunted for the jewel shards, wouldn't have to worry about Kouga claiming her, wouldn't have to worry about being the second choice! All their worries were…

Her thoughts came to a screeching halt in the most painful and disturbing way. She broke through a cluster of trees and seeing the God tree she put on a burst of speed, anxious and excited to get to Inuyasha, but came to a stop so suddenly that she nearly fall over face first into the roots and trunk of a tree.

There in front of her eyes, standing next to the God tree, was Inuyasha…and Kikyou. A Kikyou that was very much alive and hugging Inuyasha. And what was worse….he was hugging her back. Not in a 'I'm surprised and happy you have your life back' way but in an 'oh my gosh I've missed you and can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you' kind of way.

It was sad. It was heartbreaking. It was crushing. She felt like she couldn't breath.

Why was this happening? Did her wish do this? Was this her fault?! Did this mean he never loved her? Did he wish he had chosen Kikyou instead? It certainly looked like it, and the more Kagome saw the more it hurt to breath.

She watched as he kissed her, and in that moment Kagome broke. As her world and heart crumbled she ran, ran away from the one who obviously didn't love her, ran from the one who didn't care what happened to her heart.

What was the point of staying here? It was quite possible that she was stuck in this era, and she didn't think she would be able to live with seeing them day after day after day? She didn't think she could stay with Miroku and Sango either. The last thing she needed was to constantly be around a happy couple while she was nursing a broken heart. There was no where else for her to go without having to constantly fear for her life. She may not have to worry about the jewel anymore but she was still a miko and demons would still want her dead.

_So why not save them the trouble?_ she thought as she ran blindly through the forest. She had nothing left to live for in this time period and even if she could go back to her time what did she have there? She had spent so much time in this era that she had barely managed to graduate. She didn't think her grades would qualify her to get into any respectable college. She knew she was a disappointment to her mother. The older woman didn't have to say anything; it was clear in the way she looked at her sometimes, and now she wouldn't even be able to take comfort in the fact that her only daughter was happily married.

So there really was no reason for her to stick around in this life. Perhaps next time around she would do better. Now she just had to figure out how to put herself out of her misery.

Suddenly she tripped on a tree root and fell to her hands and knees. She knelt there with her eyes squeezed shut as she tried to keep herself from crying. That's when she felt it. A powerful youki feeling her out. She didn't care why he was doing it; he was exactly what she needed right now. She looked up to find Sesshomaru standing a few feet in front of her, face blank and staring at her, making her feel like the smallest thing in the world. Her eyes began to sting and she blinked furiously. Tears had no place in her life right now, not when the pain would soon be gone.

Kagome's eyes flicked from his clawed hand to the deadly sword on his hip and back up to his uncaring golden eyes.

"Will you kill me?" she asked suddenly and bluntly and watched as his eyes widened ever so slightly as he continued to stare at her.

"No." he answered in his quiet cold tone.

Kagome frowned. Why wasn't he willing to kill her? He had been the first time he met her. What was so different now? Did he need a reason to do it? Well, she wasn't about to give him one. She didn't have time. She needed to end the pain. Now.

"Fine. I'll do it myself." she said as she got up and ran away from him. She ran for what seemed like forever, but was actually minutes, when she saw a cliff up ahead through the trees. It was her lucky day! She slowed once she reached the edge, and paused long enough to make sure it was the right height. It wouldn't do to jump only to end up seriously injured but very much alive. There was a raging river at the bottom so she figured if the fall wasn't enough to do her in then the river would take care of the rest.

She didn't even take a few steps back to get a running start. There was no need; she had no hesitations about what she wanted. She simply leaned over and let herself fall until she was plummeting head first. She sighed and closed her eyes, feeling the wind in her hair and waiting for the impact.

The impact she received was not the one she wanted. Instead of coming from below and being wet and cold, it came from her right and was shockingly warm. Her eyes snapped open but all she could see was a bright white light, and besides the warmth surrounding her- there was a powerful youki. One she had just run away from. She struggled against the grip she could not see, and when the light began to fade and she could see the ground, she struggled even more as her earlier observation on the youki surrounding her was confirmed. Sesshomaru had his arm wrapped around her waist, his clawed hand resting on her left hip, her body dangling at his side as he walked through an open field.

"Hey!" she yelled as she continued to struggle against his iron grip. "What the hell do you think you're doing?! I didn't ask to be saved! Let me go!" she screamed, not caring what it did to his ears. The respectful fear she had for him was nonexistent. She had a very real death wish.

"What the hell is your problem?! When I asked for your help you didn't want to give it! Now you decide to take it upon yourself to stick your sensitive nose where it doesn't belong! Why don't you put me down and mind your own damn business!" she screamed. If he wouldn't let her go then maybe she would annoy him enough to finish what he interrupted.

Kagome continued to yell, scream, and struggle with her unwelcome savior. She complained about why he saved her, and asked repeatedly why he wouldn't release her so she could go off and die. She wished she had never come across him that day and curse his existence rather fluently as she tried to wiggle out of his grip and kicked her legs wildly hoping it would help.

Eventually she tired herself out and with huff and a sad moan she hung limply from his arm, her blank blue eyes staring at the grassy ground and his boots as he walked along even strides. With her anger gone her pain and sadness made itself known forcefully and she whined pitifully.

"_Please _Sesshomaru. Please let me go. It hurts." she whispered on a plea. "Please, I don't want to be here anymore. I would be one less human in the world. Wouldn't you like that? Isn't that what you want?" she asked mournfully as she closed her eyes against the pain coursing through her body.

"_Please_." she pleaded sadly but still he remained silent.

As the demon walked Kagome gave up pleading and fell silent. Numbness began to work its way into her sadness and pain. She hoped it would take over, sure that it would be better then hurting while she continued with her unwilling existence.

The quiet pair eventually reached their destination as the sun began to set. A small group consisting of a small human girl and two demons.

"Lord Sesshomaru! Lord Sesshomaru!" They heard his ward and retainer call out excitedly as they closed the distance.

"Lord Sesshomaru! Thank goodness you're back. This girl is nothing but trouble." Jaken stated as he huffed from the short run to keep up with his Lord's ward as they reached the quiet pair.

"Rin is glad you have returned. Rin missed you." Was his wards simple greeting.

"You are well Rin?" Sesshomaru asked in his quiet voice.

"Yes my Lord." Rin answered immediately. "My Lord is Lady Kagome hurt? Is that why you are carrying her?" she asked just as quickly.

"Quiet girl! It is not your concern if she is hurt. It is none of your business what our Lord does with this human female." Jaken snapped as he gripped his staff.

"Rin was just asking Master Jaken. And Rin was not asking you. Rin was asking Lord Sesshomaru!" Rin countered, then turned back to her Lord. "Is she staying Lord Sesshomaru?"

Sesshomaru glanced down to Kagome's limp body. Kagome heard it all but she didn't care. This was Sesshomaru's group and Rin didn't need to be exposed to her mood. Not that she planned on saying anything.

"No, she will not be staying." Sesshomaru answered. "Jaken, watch Rin until I return. If anything happens to her you die." he stated before forming his youki cloud under his feet.

"Yes my Lord." Jaken stuttered out.

"Goodbye my Lord. Hurry back please." Rin called as he lifted higher into the air.

As they traveled through the air Kagome remained silent. She had never flown with him on his cloud before and she couldn't even enjoy it. She just didn't care. She didn't care about her life, didn't care about what happened to her, and didn't care about where he was taking her.

The sky was nearly dark when Sesshomaru finally touched back down to earth. It was a grassy open field on the edge of a forest. She had no idea where they were and really didn't care.

Sesshomaru knelt down and set Kagome in the grass very gently but she was too numb inside to notice. Sesshomaru walked a few feet and sat down against a tree and watched as Kagome rolled onto her left side and gazed blankly at him, her arms lying carelessly in front of her and her legs slightly bent at the knee.

He stared right back at her as he wondered what had happened to her to make her want to kill herself when they had just defeated Naruku. It had only been a few days and she hadn't been suicidal the last time he saw her. He was very curious of what could have caused someone like her to finally break, especially since she had already been through so much that would have broken any other human. And that was only what he knew about.

"Tell me miko, why do you want to die?" Sesshomaru asked, his voice just as quiet and uncaring as always.

**Author's Note**: Please check profile for updates on the status of this story.


	2. Misery Loves Company

**Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha or his characters, and have no right to it except as a long time fan.**

**Love Emerging Through Pain**

_Chapter Two: Misery Loves Company_

Sesshomaru continued to stare at the miko as he waited for her to answer, and speculated on what could have brought her to this point in her short life. He remembered the way she looked as she looked up at him from her hands and knees. Her unusual blue eyes were dull, watery, and full of pain and he had wondered curiously what had brought her there.

* * *

"_Will you kill me?" he heard her ask suddenly, and his eyes widened. Hope had entered her eyes just as suddenly as she had spoken. He could tell that she was being honest in her question. The miko reeked of honesty, pain, and salt even though the tears had yet to leave her eyes. He also had not missed her look longingly at his hand and sword._

_Why did she want to die? Why was she asking him to end her life? Did she think he would instantly spill her blood simply because she asked? What right did she have to ask him such a thing? She didn't, and he wasn't about to let this human use him as a tool to end her existence._

"_No." he answered and watched her frown at him. Clearly his answer did not please her, but that was not his problem. She was lucky he answered her at all._

"_Fine. I'll do it myself." he heard her state and watched as she scrambled to her little feet and run off. He turned to leave but paused. He still wanted to know why she wanted to die and he would never know if she went and killed herself. Not to mention he was curious about how she planned to end herself and if she would even have the courage to do it._

_Sesshomaru turned around and quickly ran to catch up to the upset miko and watched as she reached the cliff beyond the trees and slowed to a stop. He figured this was where she looked at the length she would be falling and back out, but to his surprise, she did it. He watched as she let herself fall off the edge._

_He quickly transformed into his energy form and sped after her. Over the cliff he went and down until he was right next to her, then he grabbed her from her side around her waist and carried her off into the sky. He couldn't believe that she had actually done it. Had he not caught her she would have been killed. Her human body was so fragile that it would have broken instantly._

_He nearly flinched at the sound of her raised voice screaming and yelling at him. He had to remind himself that he had kept her alive to find out why she wanted to die, and that if he dropped her now he would never get an answer._

_Once on the ground Sesshomaru ignored the miko's struggles and tuned out her voice. Although it was interesting to him to see this new side of her. He didn't even know if she had been capable of cursing, and to hear her now was amusing. She gained his attention when she stopped struggling and quieted. Her sad moan caused him to look down at her limp form, and he frowned as he listened to her whispered pleas. All they did was heighten his curiosity but a tiny part of him was beginning to be concerned for the broken miko. A concern that began to deepen when the scent of sadness permeated her body._

_He admitted to himself that the little miko in his arm had earned his respect some time ago. Her loyalty, even if it was bestowed on the half-breed- to a fault he was positive, was admirable, her willingness to take in and raise the kit was also something that he admired. It reminded him greatly of his taking Rin into his care. He knew it was rare that a demon took in a human to raise, especially a demon of his stature, but it was almost unheard of for a human to raise a demon. He knew she was different then most humans but it had still been a shock when it became clear to him that the kit looked to her as his mother._

_Sesshomaru also respected her for her power. She was a very powerful miko, the most powerful he had come across in a very long time. Many compared her to the half-breed's dead woman, both in looks and power, but he knew better. She looked similar to the dead one as far as facial structure went but that was it in his opinion, and as far as power was concerned- there was no comparison. The miko was more powerful even compared to when the dead one was alive, she just didn't know how to control her power. He found it amusing how everyone in her little group seemed surprised when she used it on a great scale and were awed that she seemed almost as powerful as the dead one, since he could tell that she was merely tapping into the well of her power._

_He also respected her for her modesty. He had come across demons and humans who flaunted their power, and usually found that they weren't nearly powerful enough to boast about it. He knew that she didn't believe she was powerful, and he knew exactly where to lay blame for that, but he also knew that it wasn't in her nature to flaunt._

_Knowing all this made it easy to admit to himself that he was concerned for her. It must have been something serious to reduce someone of her nature to the limp form hanging from his arm. He knew that she was talkative, she seemed to be unable to stay quiet all the times he was around her, so her silence only added to his concern. For someone of her talkative nature, being quiet could be destructive. Add that to what she must be feeling and it was no surprise that he was smelling sadness that seemed to be quickly shifting to misery. Still, he wasn't exactly welcoming her to open up to him._

_After Sesshomaru checked on his ward and made sure Jaken would continue to look after her, he took to the sky to find a secluded area to settle in to get his answers. Once he found an area to his liking he touched back down and gently placed the miko in the short grass and took a seat against a tree across from her so that he would have a full on view of her._

* * *

So here he was staring at her and waiting for her answer. He wondered if she was going to answer him at all. It was clear after he had interrupted her attempt to end herself that she was no longer afraid of what he could do to her should she anger him. Death threats didn't work on someone who wanted to die, so he wondered what he would do if she refused to answer him.

-oOoOoOo-

Kagome blinked slowly at Sesshomaru's question as she continued to gaze blankly at him. His emotionless face showing exactly how she felt, and she wondered briefly if her face looked just as emotionless as his. Did it really matter what her face looked like? No, it didn't. Maybe her face was blank, maybe it wasn't. She knew, however, that she must look a fright. She had jumped off a cliff and then been carried around like baggage. Did her appearance offend Mr. High and Mighty over there? Did it matter? No, it didn't. What would he do if she didn't answer? Again, did it matter? Again, no it didn't.

"Why does it matter? Why do you care? Or maybe you _don't _care. Maybe you're just curious. Is that it? Are you having fun using my pain to satisfy your curiosity? Why are you curious anyway? What do you plan to do once you have your answer? Will you give me what I want then? Will you end my life?" she asked carelessly, her blank blue eyes never leaving his cold golden ones.

The powerful daiyoukai remained silent as he held her gaze.

"You know I've always liked your eyes." she said suddenly and watched him blink. She could swear he looked taken aback at her statement. "I like the shape and the color. Their more of a rich gold then amber." she continued, deciding that she would ask him questions and say things that she had always wanted to say and been curious about, but was too afraid of his reaction to act on them.

"I like your hair too. Is it as soft and silky as it looks? And your markings! I like those too. Do they mean anything? Do you have anymore hidden under those clothes?" she continued to ask, not waiting for a respond as her eyes wandered his face and shifted down his reclined body. "Speaking of clothes…I like those too. How do you manage to keep all that white clean? Is that fur on your shoulder just for decoration or is it an actual part of you? Is it as soft as it looks?" she asked wonderingly as she shifted her eyes to the furry mass.

"I just love how tall you are, and your voice! I like that it's quiet and slightly deep. Makes you sound mature and adds to your attraction." she said as her eyes took in his elegant presences.

Kagome trailed off into silence after that as she continued to gaze at the silent daiyoukai. He didn't look angry after all he had just heard. He just continued to stare at her with his cold eyes. She wondered what he was thinking. Wondered if he cared about what she had just said, wondered if he realized that she had just told him that she found him attractive, she wondered if she cared if he realized. No…no she didn't. Did she care about what he thought? No…no she didn't, but she was still curious.

"What are you thinking?" she asked quietly, knowing that she wouldn't get an answer but wanting to get it out there anyway.

She was right. They sat in silence still staring at each other, his eyes as cold as always and hers blank and lifeless. She wondered if he was always emotionless or if it had taken years to perfect. Were his cold eyes and expressionless face a way to mask his feelings and thoughts? They had to be. She decided. Everyone has emotions, some more then others. Perhaps he had a lot of emotions and he hid them so no one would use them against him, like they did with _Him _and her. But then she was an emotional creature, hiding her feelings could be dangerous to her health. Of course that was before she was broken.

Kagome blinked at the daiyoukai before her and wondered why it had never occurred to her to wonder if he hid his emotions. Why she had assumed that he was cold and emotionless just because that was what he projected to the world. Then it came to her. Sesshomaru showed her that persona and _He _reinforced it with his sad tale, and by the time their numerous fights with each other began her mind had been set on who the daiyoukai was. Her feelings for _Him _hadn't helped either.

"I wished on the jewel today and it's gone now." she said in a monotone, finally answering his question. "I wished for _Him _to have his hearts desire. The jewels power faded and then it disappeared. Nothing happened to me, I was still here, I hadn't been sent back home, so I foolishly believed that it was only because I was his hearts desire. I went to him, happy to show him that I was still there, only to find him standing next to the God tree...with Kikyou, who was very much alive." she continued, and paused as her eyes drifted from his to his magenta stripes.

"They were hugging in a way that told me clearly that he wasn't just happy that she was alive and well. Had I doubted the body language the kiss that followed was more then enough to tell me that my wish had apparently worked. He got his hearts desire...and it clearly wasn't me." she finished and lapsed into silence for a while before continuing.

"After that I ran. I ran from the pain and that's when you found me. I have never been in so much pain before. It felt as if my heart was literally breaking, so much so that I could hardly breath." she stated numbly.

"You might think my reaction was too extreme but a girl can only take so much heartache before she can't take anymore." she said and continued on to give him the details of the love triangle she had been tangled in, in detail from the very beginning so he could understand the full scope of her pain.

"Then just over a year ago _He _finally chose me. Since then we had been courting, or at least what he called courting, but I knew that he was going off at night to have sex with Kikyou when she decided to come around." she continued, her tone devoid of emotion.

Sesshomaru grimaced inwardly at the half-breeds behavior. With all he had heard so far Inuyasha was turning out to be more then just an embarrassment, he was a disgrace. Not only to his fathers blood but to inu-youkai everywhere. He had known over the years that the half-breed seemed unable to choose between the two females, but hadn't realized the extent of the problem. The bastard had repeatedly chose death over life, while stringing the young miko along, continuing to give her hope where none clearly was. He could tell that in the beginning she had simply been blinded by her feelings, but as time went on she had simply been holding on to hope and was caught in the cycle unable to break away because of said hope.

He also couldn't believe that the half-breed could rut with the dead. It should have gone against his instincts to do such a thing since the dead priestess wouldn't have been able to give him pups. His respect for the broken miko went up another notch since she clearly hadn't been willing to give up her innocence, at least not until he satisfied whatever requirements she'd had.

"I never let on that I knew because I knew that she would eventually die for good and then it would be over and done with." she finished, trailing into silence once again.

The daiyoukai's eyes narrowed imperceptibly as he gazed at the miko. He had the distinct feeling that there was more to that then what she was saying, and that was telling seeing as how she seemed to be holding nothing back.

"It's my fault you know. I made the wish, but that on top of everything else that has happened to me since coming to this time was just too much. It just finally caught up with me, and like I said before, you can only have your heart broken so many times before you can't take anymore." she said quietly almost whispering.

"Now I have nothing left. I'm too broken to stay around Shippo and my friends, and I have no where else to go in this time. I have no life in my own time. No one to relate to, no one who would understand my life. I have nothing to do there since I barely graduated high school and I don't think I did well enough to get into any university because I spent practically all my time here searching for jewel shards instead of studying and being in class. And none of this matters anyway since I don't even know if the well still works or not." she ranted morosely.

"What do you mean about this time and your time?" Sesshomaru asked, finally speaking since he inquired about her suicide mission. She was saying many things that he didn't understand.

Kagome explained about the well and how she originally ended up in the feudal era, how she was from about five hundred years into the future, and how as far as she knew _He _was the only other who could get through the well.

"None of this would have happened, I never would have come here and learned about demons and the Shikon jewel if my little brother hadn't been too scared to get the damned house cat!" she snapped.

_Five hundred years into the future_. Sesshomaru thought as he looked up into the sky. _That explained much about the miko. Her strange clothes, the strange contraptions I have often seen her use, the way she spoke, the unfamiliar words she used, her bravery and independence, and her scent. Humans were clearly more hygienic in the future and for that I'm thankful. I fully intend to live to see what the world is like where she comes from and it would be nice if I don't have to worry about constantly smelling unwashed human bodies_. He thought as his eyes dropped back down to the silent miko.

_Her being from another time also explains her attitude when I first met her. Loud and foolishly brave. She had only just learned about demons and didn't yet understand just how dangerous we could be_. He considered idly. _Hn...does that mean there are no demons in the future?_ he wondered, a little disturbed. How could there be no demons? Demons live long lives. Some are immortal as long as they don't get themselves killed. _Perhaps there have been ways developed to mask their presence? It's possible. If I can mask my scent and youkai now, I can only imagine what I could do in five hundred years._ he considered, mentally cataloging the many things he could do but hadn't needed to use.

Kagome was silent after her explanation. By now it was completely pitch black out and all she could see were the stars in the sky. She couldn't see Sesshomaru at all. He could have gotten up and walked away for all she knew, and she wouldn't have cared anyway.

"Are all dog demons like _Him_?" she asked suddenly, wanting to know if it was all of them or just _Him _that acted in such a way. "If you had a girl who loved you would you treat her the way I was treated?" she added.

It was quiet for a while, so long that she had just begun to believe that he had actually left her alone before Sesshomaru finally spoke.

"No. Not all dog demons are like the half-breed, and I certainly am not." he answered quietly. "The half-breed is the way he is because of his mother. Not because she is human but because she was a spoiled princess. She was used to getting what she wanted all the time, and taught him that he could have anything he wanted whenever he wanted. That type of attitude was why he had it so hard as a half-breed. His mother did not prepare him for the reality of his life so that he could take care of himself when she was no longer around." he explained, deeming it important that she finally understand the reality of who the half-breed was.

"His mother would not even let him get the proper training he would need to protect himself. I had tried to get to him to teach him the ways of the inu and how to protect himself, but his mother and her people would not let me inside the palace to see him." he finished.

Kagome listened quietly as she looked in the direction his quiet voice came from. She had always wondered about _His _mother, but he had never told her and she hadn't pushed. Now she wished that she had. Perhaps she would have had a better understanding of him if she had known what his childhood was like. She had always imagined a child sized version of him out there on his own in the wild, but she should have remembered that he wasn't always that way.

"Is that why you repeatedly went after the sword or at least part of why? You were teaching him how to protect himself? If that's so…then had you been doing it since his mother died?" she asked thoughtfully.

"That is part of the reason yes." he answered, wondering why he was bothering to explain this to the miko. "Though I still believe he does not deserve my fathers fang, even if it is for his protection, he does not respect it or the power he wields. And yes, I have been fighting him in such a fashion since his mother died. And that only because he has my fathers blood in his veins. He is an embarrassment. He was a disgrace for chasing a dead woman when he had a living one available, and now he is even more of a disgrace for his foul treatment of you." he concluded, disdain clear in his tone at the thought of the half-breeds many transgressions.

Once again silence prevailed as they sat in the dark. Kagome eventually turned on her back so that she could gaze up at the sky and keep her mind clear by losing herself in the stars. Her companion had given her plenty to think about, but she didn't want to think about _Him_. She didn't want to think at all. She knew that thoughts would lead to the pain, and she needed to keep the pain away as long as possible.

"You should not end your life because of the half-breed. You should not let him have such control." Sesshomaru stated, breaking the long silence.

"It doesn't matter. I have nothing left to live for." she responded blankly.

"What of your friends?" he asked.

"Sango and Miroku have each other. They will soon marry and start the lives they put on hold to hunt Naraku. Shippo will stay with them. I can't be around a child right now, let alone try and raise one. And Kaede will continue to live her life." she answered in a monotone.

"What of your friends on the other side of the well? What of your family?" he asked probingly.

"I don't have any friends back home anymore. They've all moved on with their lives, and even if they were still around how could I possibly relate to them? All I would be able to talk about is my time over here and I obviously can't do that." she said bitterly. "My mother, brother, and grandfather…they have each other. They've been living without me so far, why not make it permanent? It would be better then subjecting them to my depression and uselessness." she added numbly.

"Besides, if I don't go back through the well then they'll assume that the well wouldn't let me through and that I'm stuck here, which is probably true, so they would never know that I was alive or not." she added as an after thought.

"Your family would be able to help you through this would they not?" he asked. He didn't know why he was trying to keep her alive. He just thought it wasn't right that she had been treated so badly and driven to such an extreme. She had done so much. She had helped defeat Naraku and gotten rid of that curse jewel. Her life should have turned out better then this.

"I don't want their help." she said bluntly, and she meant it. She did not want to live. She had nothing to live for and she was in too much pain to even think of trying.

"But they _would _be able to help?" he asked and Kagome hissed angrily and sat up.

"What does it matter?! I don't want their help, and if you're going to continue on like this then I'm leaving!" she said as she got to her feet. "I'm sure I'll eventually run into something that wants me dead." she added as she picked a direction away from where his voice was coming from and began to walk.

Sesshomaru was on her before she had managed to take three steps, his arm snaking around her waist. He picked her up when she began to struggle and brought her back to where he had been sitting. He wasn't about to let her walk around at night when she couldn't see where she was going and had a death wish.

Kagome moaned sadly when she realized Sesshomaru was not going to release her. He'd made himself comfortable and appeared to be ready to sit there like that all night after he'd managed to settle her between his legs with her back facing his chest.

"Why are you doing this?! Why won't you let me go? No one will miss me!" she said sadly as she tried to pull his arm away from its locked position.

"Your family will miss you. Your friends will miss you." he stated calmly.

"They won't know and they'll eventually get over my disappearance! Just please! I don't want to be here! It hurts too much." she cried out, the pain bringing tears back to her eyes. She tried to blink them away but they spilled over instead and the trickle soon became a flood.

She eventually relaxed against his silk covered body as she cried her heart out, great big sobs that filled the night air, until her tears trailed off into sniffles. She hugged his arm tight to her, not caring what he thought of that as her tired mind drifted into sleep.

* * *

Instead of dreaming Kagome found herself in a meeting. She knew that she was dreaming because she was aware that her demon companion was not here with her to keep her from trying to hurt herself again.

The place she found herself in was all white, from top to bottom, no lines or corners visible to indicate if it was a room or not. She was also aware that she was alone, but that didn't last long. Soon she was joined by a beautiful woman dressed in the red and white priestess clothing with armor covering her chest, stretching down over her thighs and covering her shoulders and upper arms. She had a sword attached to her hip looking completely comfortable with it there. Long thick black hair with blue undertones flowed down her back past her waist and blue eyes.

The young girl knew instantly that the legendary miko Midoriko was standing before her.

"Umm…why am I here?" she asked the older woman.

"You are here because you are in terrible pain." Midoriko said simply. "The daiyoukai is right Kagome. You should not allow the half-demon to control your life in such a way. You should give yourself a chance to heal."

"How am I suppose to heal when I'm in so much pain, and how am I suppose to stop it?" she asked desperately.

"You need to be away from familiar people and try traveling around to give yourself time to heal before returning to your time." the older miko suggested. "The well will allow you one more trip through and back, so you can go to your time, gather what you would need and speak to your family before going back. The next time you go through the well back to your time will be the last." she explained patiently. "And do not worry about the half-demon going through to your time. There will be a barrier preventing his access." she added.

"Speak with the daiyoukai about this when you wake up. He might have some ideas on where you should go." she concluded helpfully.

"Okay, but…can I ask you something that's been bothering me." Kagome asked and received a nod in return. "Why didn't I die when Kikyou was brought back to life? With me being her reincarnation I would have expected that to happen." she said. It had been nagging at her but she hadn't had the chance to focus on it with everything else she had been feeling.

"You are not Kikyou's reincarnation child." Midoriko said with a smile. "You are my reincarnation. You had been carrying Kikyou's soul in order to bring it back to the past with you. That is also the reason you look similar to the other priestess." she assured her.

Kagome smiled at this news. It was nice to know that she was not the copy of Kikyou. She no longer had to worry about being compared to the previously dead woman.

"It is time that you leave this place and get some rest before you wake. Please, do not give up. Things will get better if you give it enough time." Midoriko said just before the white around the space they were in began to envelope the warrior miko, blocking out Kagome's view before fading into black.


	3. Briefly to the Present

**Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha or his characters, and have no right to it except as a long time fan.**

**Love Emerging Through Pain**

_Chapter Three: Briefly to the Present_

Pain. That was the first sensation Kagome felt when she drifted to consciousness. Pain in her head, pain in her eyes, and pain in her heart. The former two she knew could be dealt with easily, but the latter was another matter entirely. She wasn't sure it could be done, and honestly she didn't want to do anything about it but end it permanently.

Kagome finally opened her eyes and took in the brightness of the morning, the green of the grass she lay on, and white shine of the silk covered leg in front of her face. She blinked and became aware that she was lying on her back, so she slowly turned her head and faced the golden eyed stare of the demon lord. She stared into his cold eyes wondering how he would react to what she had to say, and then dismissed her curiosity because she frankly didn't give a damn.

"Midoriko visited me in my sleep last night." she said suddenly and watched his eyes narrow ever so slightly. "She agreed with you about not giving _Him_ such control over my life, and she suggested that I stay away from familiar faces and that I should try traveling around to give myself time to heal." she continued and went on to explain that the legendary woman suggested she ask him about where she should go, and informed him about the latest conditions on how the well worked now.

Kagome stared back into the golden eyes that tried to hold her blue orbs captive and wondered what kind of suggestions he would give her, if he gave her any.

"You will travel with this Sesshomaru until you are healed." Sesshomaru said, making it sound like a command not to be refused. "This one will keep you alive while you are healing." He promised solemnly.

The broken miko stared up at the demon lord, not sure what to think. She was hurting and didn't have the will to go on, but two powerful beings now had told her not to let _Him_ have any power over her by giving up on life because of him. She didn't want _Him_ to have any control over her, but just didn't have the will to do anything about it. She didn't care anymore. The only thing she cared about was ending the pain that was consuming her from the inside out.

_How will traveling with him help anyway? How will wandering the lands with him help me want to live? He doesn't even like to talk and the silence alone would most likely make me want to end it all. _Kagome thought as she gazed blankly into cold golden orbs.

_And doesn't he have lordly things to do? Shouldn't he be busy doing that then traveling with me? _She wondered idly as the staring contest continued. _But do I really care? No I don't. Sesshomaru is a grown male and presumably knows how to handle his business, and what he can and can't do._

"Okay." She stated as she continued to lay in the grass. She thought for a moment to wonder why he had even volunteered his time, but decided that she really didn't care. If he wanted to waste his time helping a broken human girl then that was his business. Who was she to stop him?

"Come." She heard him say after getting to his feet. She sighed tiredly and reluctantly got to her feet. She walked to him and didn't bother reacting as he wrapped his single arm around her once again and formed his youki cloud beneath them before taking off into the sky.

Kagome gazed at the scenery as they sped by. She idly thought about how high up they were and that if she fell the impact should be enough to kill her instantly.

_It's worth a try_. She thought as she shifted slightly to test his grip on her. It was loose enough for her to move around within the circle of his arm but she would have to move it in order for her to jump. She placed her hands on his arm and pushed it away slightly as she leaned over, hoping that he thought she was trying to get a better view.

It didn't work. He tightened his hold and pulled her against him instantly. Kagome sighed morosely and crossed her arms against her chest and leaned against her demon prison as she stared blankly at the passing landscape.

It wasn't long before they began to descend and land in the clearing housing the bone-eaters well. Her demon companion finally released her and began to move toward the well and she followed.

"This one will be here at this time tomorrow to begin our travels. I trust that is adequate time to prepare yourself." Sesshomaru stated lowly and watched as she nodded carelessly.

Kagome stepped on to the lip of the well and let herself fall into the blue shimmering time slip. Moments later she was deposited into her own time period. She easily climbed the ladder and slowly made her way out of the well house only to come up short at seeing a tall man standing a few feet away from her.

The man had long black hair pulled back into a low ponytail and hazel eyes. He wore black slack pants, black dress shoes, and a sky blue long sleeve button up shirt- a few buttons at the top were undone giving a glimpse of a white shirt underneath.

"Welcome back miko." she heard him say and she blinked, half confused and half not caring about how he knew she was a miko.

"Who are you?" Kagome asked as she watched him walk until he stood just in front of her.

"Have you forgotten me already?" she heard him ask, and watched as his hazel eyes slowly changed into a rich golden color and his black hair turned white.

Kagome's eyes widened. "Sesshomaru." She breathed in shock. "Hn." He answered and her vision blurred before going black.

-oOoOoOo-

Kagome sighed lightly as she returned to the waking word. Her body was somewhat comfortable, laying on soft cushions that- if memory served correctly- were on the couch in her living room while her head lay on something soft yet firm and incredibly warm.

She opened her eyes only to see Sesshomaru looking down at her, golden eyes just as cold as ever but somehow she found it comforting.

"Hi." she said numbly, wondering why he was there but not caring enough to ask.

"Hn,...hello." he said quietly, staring at her with what she could have sworn was more intensity then she had ever seen coming from him.

"Well, clearly I was wrong about there not being any demons around." she said idly as she looked him over, trying to adjust to seeing him in modern clothing. "So, what are you doing here?" she asked but her tone clearly expressing that she didn't really care.

"Making sure you have everything for your trip back. Who better to help you then the one you're going to be spending a great deal of time with." he answered. "Not to mention I did promise to keep you alive while you're healing. That wasn't going to change just because you passed through the well." he added quietly.

"Right." she said carelessly as she sat up and looked around, noting that they were alone. "Is my family home?" she asked as she looked back the modern demon lord.

"Your mother and grandfather are. Your mother is in the kitchen and your grandfather is outside in his shed." Sesshomaru answered calmly and she nodded before getting to her feet and making her way to the kitchen.

"Hi mom." Kagome greeted her mother with a halfhearted smile as she sat at the table. "I'm assuming that Sesshomaru already introduced himself."

"He did. He explained that his appearance was the reason you were unconscious." Mrs. Higurashi said as she took a good look at her daughter. She could tell immediately that something was wrong with her.

Kagome noticed the look her mother was giving her. She wasn't trying to hide her condition but she wasn't willing to talk about it either. Instead she gave her an outline view of what had happened since she was last at home, and what she had decided to do now that the jewel was gone and her heart was broken.

"I'm hoping traveling will help heal my heart, and maybe even broaden my mind." she added in a slightly joking tone.

"Oh dear." Mrs. Higurashi said in dismay. She had had no idea things would turn out this way. She had always had concerns about her daughters feelings for the puppy eared half demon but she had known that there wasn't anything she could do about it. Now her daughter was heart broken and about to travel alone in the wild lands of the past.

"Don't worry mom. I'll be perfectly safe. Sesshomaru's past self will be traveling with me." she tried to reassure her mother. "He's nothing like his younger half-brother. He's honest, has honor, and he's so powerful that nothing would attack him unless they had delusions that they could take him on or if they had no idea who he was.

"How long will you be gone?" Mrs. Higurashi asked sadly.

"I have no idea." she said honestly and went on to explain the dream she had the night before with Midoriko. Telling about the limitations of the well, that _He_ could no longer come through, and whose reincarnation she really was.

Mrs. Higurashi wasn't happy that her daughter could be gone for months or years, but she understood that her daughter was in pain and that this would help her heal. So she told her the only she could. To be safe and to do what she felt she had to do.

Kagome gave her mom a small smile while thinking that her mother definitely would have chosen different words if she had any idea of what she _really_ felt like she had to do. After that she went back into the living room and saw that Sesshomaru hadn't moved an inch since she'd been gone.

"Are you ready to go? We have a lot of shopping to do." Sesshomaru said as he stood up and Kagome shrugged. She didn't care.

Sesshomaru led them out of the house and down the endless shrine stairs and to his parked car. Once they were inside and he was sure she was wearing her seatbelt he drove them to the shopping center.

The first thing he took her to get were yukata and kimono's because that was what his past self was use to seeing and what she was mostly going to have to wear when traveling with him. It was also because he knew exactly what to get since he had already seen her wearing the clothing.

Next he took her to a shop to get weapons. He picked out a matching pair of long daggers, the exact set he had seen her with, with holsters attached to sheaths to attach to legs or arms. He then picked out a bow that was made to look as if it had come out of the feudal era but was stronger with arrows that could be replaced in the past. Lastly, he bought her a black bag big enough to hold all her things but still look as if it could belong in the past.

After all the shopping was done he took her back to the shrine and helped her pack since he knew that she wouldn't care enough to pack properly. Into the bag went all the yukata, kimono- including one that was split on the sides up to her thighs, yoga pants, t-shirts, tank tops, sweat pants, black tights that ended just below her calves, black tight shorts that ended in the middle of her thighs, socks, underwear, notebooks, pens, first aid kit full of medicine, pain pills, and bandages, sandals, and her weapons. He also made sure she added a necessity bag full of personal cleaning supplies and other things she would need that were better in this time then in the past.

"One last thing and then you can relax. Pull out a strand of your hair and infuse your power into it." Sesshomaru instructed and watched her stare blankly at him. "I have a reason for asking you to do this." he assured her and watched as she snatched out a strand and focused her power into it until it glowed a soft pink.

Sesshomaru nodded at her work then proceeded to yank out one of his top fangs. Kagome couldn't help but flinch at the action. It looked more then painful.

"Now wrap it around this." he said as he held out the fang. Kagome took it a bit reluctantly since it still had a bit of blood at the end where it had rested in his gums. Still, she did as instructed and watched as the ends of her strand of hair fused to the fang. She wondered idly how the hair was still glowing and not purifying the fang but didn't care enough to ask.

"Put the fang in a small plastic zip bag and don't open it until you get to Totosai. That way you won't have to worry about answering questions from my past self sooner then necessary." he explained.

Kagome did as told and was soon back in her room with the bag containing the fang in hand.

"Won't he smell you on me and all the things in my bag?" she asked as she slipped the plastic bag into one of the small pockets.

"No. I've been masking my scent since before you came through the well so that my past self doesn't smell himself on you or any of your belongings. I remember that I did not smell myself until you opened that bag in front of Totosai." Sesshomaru explained patiently.

"What's the fang for anyway? And why does my purified hair have to be wrapped around it?" Kagome asked as she settled back on her bed.

"It is for your sword of course." he answered simply. "You need a weapon besides the bow and daggers." he said, remembering quite clearly the first time she had really used it in defense. Not that there had been many times. "The hair with your power in it will allow you to wield the sword and use your power with it. The sooner you get the sword made the sooner you can learn to use it." he explained, hoping that was all he needed to say since he knew that was what they would go do first.

Kagome nodded her head, not even considering asking why she needed a sword, a demon made one at that, and daggers. Although she did consider using said weapons against herself some time in the near future. After all, the pain hadn't gone anywhere and she very much wanted it to end.

-oOoOoOo-

The next day Sesshomaru had her awake good and early. He had apparently stayed the night to watch over her and make sure she didn't hurt herself. She showered and dressed herself in a black long sleeve yukata that ended just below her calves and pulled white socks onto her feet. She ate as much as she could stomach, which wasn't much since she didn't have an appetite, then said her goodbyes to her family.

After slipping on their shoes Sesshomaru walked her to the well house and inside to the well where they stood and looked down into the blackness.

"Does this work?" Kagome asked wearily as she looked up to the tall demon beside her and she could see in his eyes that he knew what she was asking.

"For the most part." Sesshomaru said quietly as he returned her look.

Kagome sighed and looked back to the well, knowing that he would say no more. "Well, here I go." she said as she stepped on the lip of the well.

"See you soon." he said and watched as she jumped in and the blue light engulfed her before they both disappeared. "Hurry back." he whispered before turning and leaving.

**Author's Note**: I know it's short, but the title does say '_briefly_ to the present'.


End file.
